Welcome To My Pity Party.

I am busy getting some order back to the house for Matthew's birthday parties. Yes, that's parties, plural.

DH and I have big families, not huge, but big enough that if you get all of them in one house together this time of year, its mass hysteria. My side has 7 children under the age of 10 and DH's side has his 85 year-old Grandma who gets nervous with little ones running all over. Not a good combo! So we usually do two separate parties for family and one for his friends.

After a few years of learning, I am seriously considering having no friends party this year. Get a basement full of 9 year old boys together and its a fight to see who can be the loudest. There is one child in particular who likes to be heard over everyone else. As he gets louder, the others compete to yell scream talk over him and the noise that ensues makes your ears bleed rivals a jet engine on the decibel level. Having one friend to spend the night sounds much more appealing!

Yesterday (his actual birthday) I baked him a chocolate cake complete with pudding frosting (the best frosting in the free world) and we had it after his basketball practice last night. YUM!!! I also managed to find his "Happy Birthday, Matthew!" banner and put it up before he walked in the door from school. (Look at me! I have decorations and I baked and everything! Just like a real Mom!)

I had a real sense of accomplishment alright.

You know how you get that real sense of accomplishment and you kinda feel cool and strut around the house thinking you are really something; and then somewhere, fate looks down and says, "Oh well, we can't have her feeling too fabulous now can we? Time to knock her down a few notches." ?

Welcome to my world.

I was having a good day. I got a load of laundry done, dusted a few things, drank lots of water (my new goal) school was delayed an hour, so I let the kids wake up on their own. No fighting, no whining. I felt I had earned the right to sit and watch the first half of a movie I had already seen the end of.

It was all a cruel, cruel joke; too good to last.

I could smell a wet diaper. I checked Girlie Girl's diaper. She was fine. Back to the movie.

I got a phone call (pause movie).

Another phone call (pause again).

Yet another phone call (stop movie altogether). My neighbor has a friend who gives her lots of eggs and wanted to know if I could use a dozen. I told her that I needed to feed my dogs anyways, so I'd get them while I was out.

Then, I stood up and noticed how chilly my hind end suddenly was.

Now I am always cold, but this was ridiculous. I mean it was really cold...and damp. Then, I smelled wet diaper again. The light bulb came on... you see where I am going with this?

The Girlie's diaper must have leaked this morning before I changed her WHILE she was sitting on my couch. UGH!

I took the cushion into the kitchen and passed another chair where I could actually SEE the wet spot in it. GREAT! Two cushions to clean.

I sprayed them with cleaner, changed my pants and got ready to feed the dogs.

The neighbor's husband was standing outside my garage door when I got out there and I got my eggs without having to get bundled, but I still had to get bundled so I could feed the dogs.

I put on sunglasses since the sun was shining pretty brightly and it was reflecting off of the snow. I also had on a hood/scarf, hunting mask with a draw cord, earmuffs and my coat hood. I wore snow pants, DH's hunting boots and 2 pair of gloves. I was a sight!

This arrangement was alright until I got outside and my breath, which traveled straight up out of the hunting mask, was fogging up the sunglasses so much that I couldn't see. Lucky for me our yard is pretty open with very few obstacles, just the clothesline, a play set and a couple of small trees (ouch!).

About half-way back to the dog pens, I was losing my grip on the water jugs (which are old milk jugs and I carry 2 plus food for 5 dogs in a basket). I stopped to re-adjust and try to get my fingers (with my gloves and DH's gloves over them) through the jug handle. I spill the water all down my sleeve and pant-leg. Don't worry, it froze pretty much on contact. Lovely!

So now I am wet, blind and have 5 dogs barking for their food. Perfect time for the draw cord doohickey to shift and lodge itself in my right nostril. Charming... and comfortable. I highly recommend trying it.

I survived the feeding until the last dog. Appropriately named Frosty, his chain was stuck around the stake. I fed him first and loosened his chain while he ate. He devoured his food while I got a shovel to clear all of the straw/yellow snow/"dog mud" from around his stake. What a better time could there be for Frosty to do a couple of "laps" around his stake (which I am standing by, remember)? He got me. His chain jerked my feet in tight and I fell back right on my butt.

At this point, I gave up. Fate had won the battle and I dragged my cold, wet butt to the house to blog about my pitiful day, but not before DH called to chat while he was on a break at work. By the sound of him chuckling on the other end, he enjoyed hearing of my situation. Maybe if I put the mask back on he won't recognize me and he won't be able to tease me when he gets home. Somehow I am doubtful I could get that lucky.


Rebekah said...

ROFLOL, I'm sorry to laugh at your plite, but I dont care who you are, thats funny!

Stephanie said...

Nothing like sitting in pee to humble a gal! LOL